Why blow your hard-earned unemployment check on so-called professionals when your girlfriend can take it off for free?

The more naked she gets, the more empowered she is!

Subtle hints, lavish compliments, pathetic begging haven’t convinced your girlfriend to strip for you? She just needs trustworthy encouragement. Slip her this phony Cosmo page and she’ll be disrobing faster than you can stuff Monopoly money in her G-string.

Fun with scissors - clip n’save...
Strip for Your Boyfriend

University studies prove that a little bump ‘n’ grind creates a stronger emotional bond between partners. Plus, it makes your butt smaller!

set the mood!

How do you make your man’s everlasting love last forever? Give him exactly what he wants. But if you’re not ready to do Greek, surprise him with a simply scintillating supersexy striptease! First, choose a costume. If it’s your first time, be low-key: Catholic schoolgirl’s skirt, halter top, push-up bra and matching thong, thigh-high black leather stiletto boots, and dog collar. You’ll need romantic music, so spin AC/DC, Rammstein, or Motorhead. Now sit your hunk down in his easy chair, mute the game - don’t turn it off - and begin!

get naked!

It’s time to lose those bothersome clothes, "Remove layers in order: top, bottom, top, bottom," explains former exotic dancer Mar Taylor, author of Bedroom Games: Stripteases, Seductions, and Other Surprises to Keep Your Partner Coming Back for More. In other words, take off your blouse, then skirt; bra, then panties. Caress yourself -

especially your naughty parts - as you slowly undress while dancing to the music. Always look longingly into your guy’s eyes in case he, for some reason, stops ogling your probing hands, Get embarrassed talking dirty? Try the subtle approach: "Baby, you make me so hot, it’s like an Amazonian monsoon between my legs!"

work it, girl!

"You don’t need to be able to do the splits to strip," Taylor promises. Still, it couldn’t hurt - so hit the gym! In the meantime, give your guy frequent close-ups of your heaving bosom by pulling his face into your chest for a hearty brumski. After his eyes stop spinning, turn around, look over your shoulder, and do a modest straight-legged toe touch. (For extra points, spank your behind. With a riding crop.) Next, get on your knees, spread his legs, and put your hands on his rock-hard...things. "Let him know that you want to be between his legs," Taylor tells us. Well, duh!

have a happy ending!

A lap dance has little to do with dancing and everything to do with his lap. Stand up and push his legs back together to create a perch, then, facing away from him, lower yourself down onto his crotch - careful, he might be pokey! - and make figure eights with your hips as you rub against his manhood. Whip your hair around, arch your back, and moan like a baboon in estrus. There’s usually no touching in strip cubs, so don’t let him...oh, what the heck! Give your man what a real stripper never would - unless properly compensated - by finishing him off. Next month: the Fatal Risks of Postcoital Cuddling.